Looking on the BRIGHT side...

As the Monty Python song would sing: "Always look on the bright side of life!" (whistle whistle whistle whistle...)

And I am. That is my goal for today. To be positive.

Yes. (well that's a start right?)

I have first period prep.
I therefore have last period prep as well.
Wednesday is hump day.
Only 2 more days until Friday.
I am going to 'Princess' (girls doing Prince covers) tomorrow night with some of my fav. peeps.
I haven't see my students yet.
I have 10 more minutes of silence.
Thank you.

And speaking of bright---I drive into the east in the morning and the west in the evening. That's a lot of BRIGHT-ness in my eyes.

Time for new sunglasses! There is nothing glamorous about choosing new sunglasses is there?

Select a pair.
Put them on.
Lift the tag that falls directly in the centre of your face.
Which by the way blocks your sight...
IRONIC?
Alanis Morissette thinks so...
Look into that tiny mirror and try to picture how you would look without your hand between your eyes.
It's hard to tell what you look like when you're cross-eyed...no?
Sometimes, for extra fun, I accidentally stab my eye with the tag...
It's hard to tell what you look like when you're bleeding from the eye-ball...no?

Peace, Love and Brightness/Luminance/Radiance!
xoT.

SNAFU

So, I've created this silly little alternative to complaining. Whenever I catch myself complaining (see: all the time!), I simply interrupt myself with a repetitive noise that sounds much like the voice of the teacher on Charlie Brown.

It serves it's purpose: to remind me to laugh it off and to admit to others (and myself) that I am aware of how much I complain. (Wann-wann-wann...)

So forgive me for contradicting my preamble...but if I just write "wann-wann-wann" through this entire blog, it probably won't hold your interest and you certainly won't be able to empathize or sympathize or apologize or ...whatever!

I am in such a BAD mood! I haven't been able to tap out the "why?" just yet...

WAIT FOR IT...
WAIT FOR IT...
WAIT FOR IT...

S. N. A. F. U. !!! Yes I am in a total SNAFU!

Teaching = Situation Normal
Crack-Babies = ALL F-ed UP!

I have to remind myself that it's not their fault. I have to remind myself that they are extremely needy. I have to remind myself not to take it personally. I have to remind myself to take one day at a time. I have to remind myself that their self-esteem is incredibly low. I have to remind myself that this is a learning experience. I have to remind myself not to take things for granted. I have to remind myself that I am only one person. I have to remind myself to be patient. I have to remind myself to breathe. I have to remind myself not to give up so easily. I have to remind myself to practise what I preach and leave my own "shit' outside of the classroom doors. I have to remind myself to use my "acting skills". I have to remind myself to suck it up. I have to remind myself that June is only 8 months away. ONLY?

So...when one brave student questions: "Mzzzzzzzzz.....why are you so bitchy today?"

I think to myself...

WHAT?? Why are you picking on me? Why you gotta call me out like that? I wasn't doing anything! What? Just 'cause I''m not smiling like a freaking pig in poop? Just 'cause I'm not trying desperately to engage you with my enthusiastic - energetic - expressive - superhero teacher-ness???----now--- I'm BITCHY???? Maybe if you tried smiling at ME---or I don't know...NOT complaining about everything I ask you to do----or stopped saying the F word 16 times per sentence----or actually complete an assignment ----or quit making weapons in woodshop class---- or stopped bragging about how many 'chicks' you've "mined" ------or TRIED even just a little---or studied for a test----or CARED even just a little-----or---

Peace, Love and WANN---WANN---WANN...
xoT.

I want my mom...

Does anyone my age still say this besides me?

For the last week I have been sentiment-ing just that. My response to everything has been "I want my mom!" This of course means: "I can't do it anymore."

And when you are a child, your mother swoops in and cradles you in her loving arms, strokes your hair and soothingly sings:

"ooo---ooo child things are gonna get easier---someday things will get brighter..."

I threw my back out a week ago...OUCH!!! We certainly take our backs for granted. Something as simple as putting your pants on, bending at the sink to brush your teeth, or playing a game of "Bunny, Bunny, Bunny!" is just impossible!

And yes I am playing "Bunny, Bunny, Bunny" again (which is one of my FAVOURITE drama games) because I am teaching a full year (Long Term Occasional) DRAMA contract in the EAST end. EAST SIDE!!!! (making hand gesture)----although I am a WEST SIDE (making hand gesture) liver and lover!

Peace, Love and Scarlem--Scarberia--the Borough of Scar!!!
xoT.

Ta-Da!!!!

And we're back...

Had a lovely time thinking and such...

Really was an inspiring time for me...

I'll be working for a while...

But I'll try to drop by...

Peace, Love and more love!
xoT.

Sweet Slumber...

Where ever have I been??????????????

Almost everything that is important in my life has taken a hiatus!

But I'm back!!!

I just finished directing a kid's show. I am heading to BC to see an old friend and gig it up with some stand-up comedy shows...and then I shall wait patiently for the perfect job to land on my lap....everything is under control....I'm fine....really!

List of "things to do":

-dance more
-sing more
-play more
-exercise more
-write more
-act more
-work harder
-drink less
-eat less
-engage in my own life (whoa....deep)

Peace, Love and How ever will I save me from my self-created rut?
xoT.

Daily Dud

In the morning I am optimistic. My coffee re-ignites my ever present jitters. If the sun is shining I'm even happier. I ponder my yesterday. I scan my tomorrows. I panic. I flutter. I procrastinate. And I sit and I think I love my life. I shower. I write. I pour another cup of coffee. This time it's just for kicks. I write. I connect. I fix my hair. I pour another cup of coffee. I am far past need. The anxiety is familiar. I write a list of things to do. It helps to ease the guilt. A bit. I decide between earrings or a necklace. Earrings win almost every time. I eat some fruit. I pour another cup of coffee. It doesn't even taste good anymore. But I want/need - want/need - want/need. I make plans for after work. I am excited to dance, run, work-out, yoga, go out. Don't make me go. Who am I talking to? I down the rest of my coffee. I gloss my lips and I'm off to my day of money-making. At 3:10pm I feel relieved to be released. I do not feel optimistic anymore. I feel tired. All over. I am guilt ridden as I cancel my plans to dance, run, work-out, yoga, go out.

Peace, Love and Complacency Baby!
xoT.

Random Recollections

I can remember my re-occuring childhood nightmare. (I am running circles around the outside of my house while being chased by an Indian with a head-dress and loin cloth who is being chased by a gorilla. I always end up hiding under the porch and they both know where I am and just as they are about to expose me I wake up sweating, screaming, crying = good times!) I can remember receiving my first mixed tape. (oh Chad...thanks for recording "Is this Love?" by Whitesnake over and over ---both sides!!!) I can remember spending hours with a tape recorder creating voices and characters. (I have a copy of my voice playing the 3 main characters of Punky Brewster, which of course include Punky Brewster, Henry - the foster father, and Brandon - the dog. Yep-- I played the part of a dog.) I can remember when it was a special treat to RENT a VCR! (My brother and I could each pick out a movie and I would without a doubt every single time choose "Fire Starter" starring Drew Barrymore----'creature of habit' or 'first crush'?) I can remember the first dance I choreographed and taught to my friends. (Grade 5 - Footloose! Who knew I would re-visit this theme years later???) I can remember my mother laying out my clothes each day for school. (On Saturdays I could pick out my own clothes----bring on the pink pants with the elastic waist and cord-crease down the legs and a bright red T-shirt with Coca-Cola on the front and TARA on the back! RIGHT ON!!!!!!!) I can remember my first french kiss. (Grade 9 - Halloween Party - Spin the Bottle!) I can remember the year that McDonalds tried out a delivery service. (That's like a BOOTY CALL for a drunk & hungry University student...BAD IDEA!!!) I can remember entertaining my Aunt Erin and her boyfriend by reciting/singing all the words to "Darling Nikki" by Prince when I was 11 years old. (This just goes to show you that parents can't protect you....I wasn't even allowed to listen to the radio, but the girl that sat next to me in my grade 6 class LOVED Prince and I made her teach me all the words-----I didn't even know who Prince was or what masterbating even meant..."I knew a girl named Nikki , I guess you could say she was a sex fiend. I met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine. She said 'how'd you like to waste some time?' And I could not resist when I saw little Nikki grind."--- what kind of lyrics are those for any grade 6 to be singing aloud???) I can remember Ken, the 25 year old in my grade 11 Drama class. (I thought he was sooooooo cool! He lent me his car the day that I wanted to skip school with my friends...that's pretty trusting...I wonder what he's doing now...) I can remember how excited I was the day I got my water-bed. (I also remember cranking the dial in the winter until my skin burned and dialing down in the summer only to awake with frozen bones----and last but not least, I certainly remember the first time I got the spins in that bed----sort of like white water rafting when you're hung-over----NOT FUN!!!) I can remember ice-skating with my family every other Saturday night. (Sore ankles --but plenty of yummy hot chocolate afterwards---and face it---no matter how cheesy anything with your family 'seemed' --- you were always secretly 'into' that cheesy family night...) I can remember sitting in a parked car when I was 15 on a hot summer day with all the windows rolled up. ('Duh....it's like a sauna---and plus you'll lose weight'...I also remember sleeping with a garbage bag wrapped tightly around my waist, wearing way too many sweats for bed and a weight that rested on my belly just in case I could get an abdominal workout in my sleep----I look back at pictures from those days and lust after my own body----I do NOT see the fat that I was convinced I owned!) I can remember all of my teacher's names and the exact impressions that they left on me. (But one in particular stands out--- my grade 4 teacher ---she looked like Linda Carter A.K.A. WONDER-WOMAN ---- and I would endlessly fantasize about how I would save her from a big hairy monster that would come crashing through our classroom door----and how she would love me the best for saving her...I love that at the ripe old age of 9, I was a knight in shining armor---if only in my mind's eye...)I can remember my first summer camp romance. (A 9 year old display of affection: He let me wear his wrist bands and Pac-Man watch!!!) I can remember forcing my high-school boyfriend to learn and perform the choreography to "If It Isn't Love" by New Edition. (He was pretty shy and mostly known as an athlete----so to add to his credits: He also performed with me in the Sears Drama Festival, The Lip-Sync Contest and School Assembly skits...he was a good sport!!!) I can remember the first time that I peed my pants. (At Camp -- in the Mess Hall---during lunch---laughing so hard it flooded from my chair and ran down to the floor and continued down the length of the table!!! Yep---true story! Little did I know that this would also be a re-occurring theme throughout my life...) I remember collecting pretty stones from the beach. (Was anyone else disappointed with the sparkle quality after they dried off?) I can remember when I ran 10km everyday. (A time of great head-space...I should get back into that...) I can remember when my bedtime was 8:30pm - a whole half hour AFTER my brother! (In the summer, the sun was still shining brightly into my bedroom window and I could hear the sounds of the local baseball diamond in the near distance..."EVERYONE ELSE IS STILL UP----WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO BED???) I can remember going to the car races on Sunday nights with my dad. (The snack hut was a highlight for sure!) I can remember loving the Tuesday night TV line-up. (Did anyone else want to BE Sam from "Who's the Boss" and date Mike from "Growing Pains"???) I can remember the first time that someone gave me the key to their place. (Big Step - - - I collect keys...) I can remember a 'stalker-ex' sleeping outside of my house for 3 days. (Persistence DOES pay off!---I wonder what he's doing now?...) I can remember when the word "sick" meant something really gross. (FYI -- now it means AWESOME!) I can remember when I knew how to play 5 songs on my guitar. (I used to make my classes listen to me----ahh the power of a teacher----"The answer my friend *change hand position - awkward pause* is blowin' in the wind *change hand position - awkward pause*the answer is blowin' in the wind...") I can remember naming every single one of my dolls "Jessica". ('creature of habit' or 'first crush'?)

Peace, Love and Laughing all the way to the memory Bank!
xoT.