Yertle the Turtle by Dr. Suess

On the far-away island of Sala-ma-Sond,
Yertle the Turtle was king of the pond.
A nice little pond. It was clean. It was neat.
The water was warm. There was plenty to eat.
The turtles had everything turtles might need.
And they were all happy. Quite happy indeed.

They were… until Yertle, the king of them all,
Decided the kingdom he ruled was too small.
“I’m ruler”, said Yertle, “of all that I see.
But I don’t see enough. That’s the trouble with me.
With this stone for a throne, I look down on my pond
But I cannot look down on the places beyond.
This throne that I sit on is too, too low down.
It ought to be higher!” he said with a frown.
“If I could sit high, how much greater I’d be!
What a king! I’d be ruler of all that I see!”

So Yertle the Turtle King, lifted his hand
And Yertle, the Turtle King, gave a command.
He ordered nine turtles to swim to his stone
And, using these turtles, he built a new throne.
He made each turtle stand on another one’s back
And he piled them all up in a nine-turtle stack.
And then Yertle climbed up. He sat down on the pile.
What a wonderful view! He could see ‘most a mile!

“All mine!” Yertle cried. “Oh, the things I now rule!
I’m the king of a cow! And I’m the king of a mule!
I’m the king of a house! And, what’s more, beyond that
I’m the king of a blueberry bush and a cat!
I’m Yertle the Turtle! Oh, marvelous me!
For I am the ruler of all that I see!”

And all through the morning, he sat up there high
Saying over and over, “A great king am I!”
Until ‘long about noon. Then he heard a faint sigh.
“What’s that?” snapped the king,and he looked down the stack.
And he saw, at the bottom, a turtle named Mack.
Just a part of his throne. And this plain little turtle
Looked up and he said, “Beg your pardon, King Yertle.
I’ve pains in my back and my shoulders and knees.
How long must we stand here, Your Majesty, please?”

“SILENCE!” the King of the Turtles barked back.
“I’m king, and you’re only a turtle named Mack.”

“You stay in your place while I sit here and rule.
I’m the king of a cow! And I’m the king of a mule!
I’m the king of a house! And a bush! And a cat!
But that isn’t all. I’ll do better than that!
My throne shall be higher!” his royal voice thundered,
“So pile up more turtles! I want ’bout two hundred!”

“Turtles! More turtles!” he bellowed and brayed.
And the turtles ‘way down in the pond were afraid.
They trembled. They shook. But they came. They obeyed.
From all over the pond, they came swimming by dozens.
Whole families of turtles, with uncles and cousins.
And all of them stepped on the head of poor Mack.
One after another, they climbed up the stack.

Then Yertle the Turtle was perched up so high,
He could see forty miles from his throne in the sky!
“Hooray!” shouted Yertle. “I’m the king of the trees!
I’m king of the birds! And I’m king of the bees!
I’m king of the butterflies! King of the air!
Ah, me! What a throne! What a wonderful chair!
I’m Yertle the Turtle! Oh, marvelous me!
For I am the ruler of all that I see!”

Then again, from below, in the great heavy stack,
Came a groan from that plain little turtle named Mack.
“Your Majesty, please… I don’t like to complain,
But down here below, we are feeling great pain.
I know, up on top you are seeing great sights,
But down here at the bottom we, too, should have rights.
We turtles can’t stand it. Our shells will all crack!
Besides, we need food. We are starving!” groaned Mack.

“You hush up your mouth!” howled the mighty King Yertle.
“You’ve no right to talk to the world’s highest turtle.
I rule from the clouds! Over land! Over sea!
There’s nothing, no, NOTHING, that’s higher than me!”

But, while he was shouting, he saw with surprise
That the moon of the evening was starting to rise
Up over his head in the darkening skies.
“What’s THAT?” snorted Yertle. “Say, what IS that thing
That dares to be higher than Yertle the King?
I shall not allow it! I’ll go higher still!
I’ll build my throne higher! I can and I will!
I’ll call some more turtles. I’ll stack ‘em to heaven!
I need ’bout five thousand, six hundred and seven!”

But, as Yertle, the Turtle King, lifted his hand
And started to order and give the command,
That plain little turtle below in the stack,
That plain little turtle whose name was just Mack,
Decided he’d taken enough. And he had.
And that plain little lad got a bit mad.
And that plain little Mack did a plain little thing.
He burped!
And his burp shook the throne of the king!

And Yertle the Turtle, the king of the trees,
The king of the air and the birds and the bees,
The king of a house and a cow and a mule…
Well, that was the end of the Turtle King’s rule!
For Yertle, the King of all Sala-ma-Sond,
Fell off his high throne and fell Plunk! in the pond!

And today the great Yertle, that Marvelous he,
Is King of the Mud. That is all he can see.
And the turtles, of course… all the turtles are free
As turtles and, maybe, all creatures should be.

by Dr. Seuss

Peace, Love and HECK YES I WILL ADD A PERSONAL NARRATIVE TO COMPLIMENT THIS PIECE...
xoT.

PHAT LOVE IS COMING BACK TO CHATHAM!!!!

Peace, Love, and Bring your Friends!
xoT.

RIGHT???

So, last week I was driving to work in this ridiculous storm, I’m talking, monsoon rains, crazy winds---you know when you’re carrying your umbrella and it’s so windy that your umbrella actually folds itself inside out and you’re like---great, good thing I have this…yeah, well it was that kind of day…where I’m practically making out with my steering wheel because I can’t see through the windshield ---and I come up to this stoplight where I actually see this dude riding his bicycle, holding his umbrella…and I’m like WOW, that’s commitment…we get it, you’re environmentally friendly!

I mean, how can I not hit him right? But I don’t have time to get into an accident---So I roll down my window and toss him a token---and I’m like "Dude, today might be a day for public transit…no one’s gonna judge you! Just sayin'!"

Peace, Love, and it's not easy being GREEN!
xoT.

TMI???

I hate acronyms! You know, like use your words! Do we actually think that we are saving time or is it just cool to be exclusive? I’m a teacher, so I’m a 1.0 FT with the TDSB and tomorrow..I gotta hand in my ALP, I got a PLC meeting to discuss my students IEPs and then I have to supervise the EQAOs. Leggo my eggo WHAT? Like why are we speaking in this F-ed up way? It’s like short hand for the mouth and I can think of a lot better things to do with my mouth…

...LIKE EATING!!! LOL!

I want to be in a relationship because I am so tired of dieting. I want to hook up and eat. And I want 10 years into it kind of eating where it’s okay that there’s food on my face and I’m eating left-overs from my boob tray. Cause I’m a binger! I stand in my kitchen like a zombie mesmerized by the hand to mouth motion. Someone needs to plan an intervention with me, because I live alone and the brown outs can last for hours. It’s like an episode of amnesia. I actually have to take inventory of my kitchen afterwards...

What the hell did I do in here? Olives dipped in peanut butter? GROSS! Well, hang on a minute, let me make sure it’s gross…

I can pass through all 7 stages of grief in the amount of time it takes to hit up a McDonalds Drive thru – starting with shock and denial—Oh no you didn’t just order 3 bigmac combos, supersize the fries with a diet coke…and as I’m pulling out of the parking lot wiping special sauce off my face, I reach the final stage of acceptance….

I’m fine that I’m Ronnie McDonnie’s Baby Mama!

But my dance clothes leave nothing to the imagination, so food babies can be hard to conceal…but at least I get a discount on all my dance clothes because my friend is the AMBASSADOR of Lululemon---yep the ambassador!!! Yeah true story - this is a actually a real thing where you have to apply for it and then they put your picture up in the entrance way and they give you like a thousand dollars of free stuff and all you have to do is report back on it ---like: "These pants didn't wash too well, like the first time I washed them, they were see-through after that...so that's not going to be a good look for the downward dog, right???" I mean, why does SHE get to be the ambassador???? I guess because she lives the Lululemon lifestyle, you know, like drinking water and breathing in fresh air or whatever. And I was soooo jealous, immediately I started fantasizing over what I could be the ambassador of…

and then it just totally hit me. Oh my gosh, I’m perfect for it! Hello???
THE LCBO!!!!!!!!!!

Peace, Love, and LMAO!!! WHAT???? OKAY!
xoT.

I scare people...

There's this teacher at work that I like to scare. She's always late for class and because I'm a 'life-long learner' and 'teaching is my passion' --- I want to teach her a lesson! So, I hide in the alcove of her doorway and when she comes up to unlock her door, I jump out at her and yell, MONSTER!!! And she just stares at me blank-face for what feels like 3 minutes - and then screams 'bloody-murder-style'!!! And that just made my day! It's not so much the scream that does it for me---it's the pregnant pause before the scream where the face is saying ---

*what the hell is happening to me right now??? Oh my gosh, I think I just wet myself...Holy...*
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

I know, right? I'm eleven-teen!!! And she gets freaked out super-easy--- so that just makes me want to scare her more...Like this one time, I made her go to this scary movie with me. And you know when the music gets all creepy and you KNOW that something is going to jump out at you? Well, she was so freaked out and was anticipating the moment so hard --- but then NOTHING actually happened----but she was so pent up that she screams anyways....And the guy next to her was all like, "AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" And the women next to him was all like, "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?????" And he was all like, "I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T SIT NEXT TO HER!!!"(pointing at my friend)

....And I was all like, "GOOD TIMES FOLKS, GOOD TIMES!!!!(laughing AND pointing at my friend!!!)

Peace, Love and Scaredy-Cats!!!
xoT.

Phat Love Nostalgia

I miss Phat Love.
Dare I revive it?

or write a sequel?

Peace, Love and Greedy for Laughter!
xoT.

Back to the Basics...Story #1

So, I'm in the DANCE studio teaching my grade 10 dance class and I'm wearing these fabulous black pants. In fact, I'm wearing all black. I'm a big fan of all black. So much so, that my students often ask me if I'm a stage manager...

So, I'm standing in front of my class, and I'm a bit irritated that they still don't have the counts down...5, 6, 7, 8...when all of a sudden I hear...RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPP!!! I look at myself in the mirror to see that my pants have ripped from the belt line, down the crack of my ass, continuing along the inseam, and all the way down to my ankles for the grand finale...oh yeah, just made my own tear-aways!

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. My ass is hanging out. I feel so exposed. Oh my gosh, I AM so exposed. Oh thank goodness I pulled out FULL COVERAGE UNDERWEAR from my drawer this morning! I turn around to hide myself but it's no use...MIRRORS ARE EVERYWHERE!

I wonder to myself...Should I stay 'IN' the classroom with my ass hanging out? OR...Should I excuse myself 'OUT' into the hallway...with my ass hanging out? Because that's a lot of information for my students to process right there...

Peace, Love and T.M.I!!!!
xoT.