In the morning I am optimistic. My coffee re-ignites my ever present jitters. If the sun is shining I'm even happier. I ponder my yesterday. I scan my tomorrows. I panic. I flutter. I procrastinate. And I sit and I think I love my life. I shower. I write. I pour another cup of coffee. This time it's just for kicks. I write. I connect. I fix my hair. I pour another cup of coffee. I am far past need. The anxiety is familiar. I write a list of things to do. It helps to ease the guilt. A bit. I decide between earrings or a necklace. Earrings win almost every time. I eat some fruit. I pour another cup of coffee. It doesn't even taste good anymore. But I want/need - want/need - want/need. I make plans for after work. I am excited to dance, run, work-out, yoga, go out. Don't make me go. Who am I talking to? I down the rest of my coffee. I gloss my lips and I'm off to my day of money-making. At 3:10pm I feel relieved to be released. I do not feel optimistic anymore. I feel tired. All over. I am guilt ridden as I cancel my plans to dance, run, work-out, yoga, go out.
Peace, Love and Complacency Baby!
xoT.
