Okay, enough is enough...the respite is over...I'm moving on...I need to get back on the blogging wagon...even if it makes me feel awkward or transparent...that's the point, duh! And lately I've been letting fear rule my world---NOT COOL!
So, here's a little uncomfortable honesty:
Hi, my name is Tara, and today I'd like to deal with vulnerability and uncertainty with 3 bottles of wine, 2 big bags of chips, and 7 hours on facebook.
But instead I ran 8km, did an hour of weights, and hung out with a really great friend!:)
So, I'm going to ease back into the writing through a few lists;
10 THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE
1. I'm in love. Head over HEAL...ing. It wasn't easy, I worked hard at staying present with my pain and loss...and this new love came easy...and it is one of total acceptance...I have never felt so passionate, care-free, and consumed.
2. I'm curious about why restaurants, bars, and cafes feel the need to make the gender symbols/pictures on the washroom doors so confusing. On my first date with the above-mentioned love, I managed to decipher the signs by following another woman through the correct doorway. My bad....it was a 'one-er'. Awkward. Okay...backing away...awkwardly back through the gender-neutral doorway...
3. I am certain that I will never own or have need for a chip-clip or a wine-stopper...oxymoron, if you ask me!
4. I'm running a half marathon on October 16th...and this scares me for a couple of reasons:
A) Because I'm already in serious pain at 8km...and the 2 people that I am running with (my lover and my sister-in-law) are both athletes...which is intimidating and sometimes humiliating...(I breath A LOT louder than them!!!)
B) I teach Dance and Drama, and if I mess up my body parts...I mess up my life. INTENSE!, I know....
5. Summer is almost over. And that's okay. Don't hate me, but this has been the best summer that I can remember in a very long time. My time was spent well. Summer-Love, Music Festivals, Theatre Festivals, Cottage-ing, Swimming, Hot-tubbing, Fire-loving, Catching up with friends & Family, Learning new things, Watching Lacrosse, Road Trips, Watching Football, Making meals with my lover, Accepting change, Writing, Reading, Laughing, Loving...
6. I am fiercely loyal. Seasons and reasons and ebbing and flowing...sure. But, I am always here. I won't give up.
7. I am sentimental and proud of it.
8. I love poetry, wine, food, connection, knowledge, family, friends, laughing, collective ecstasy, songs that make me moan with understanding--appreciation --and 'yeah I get that' or 'what an awesome way to spin that sentiment', poetry slams & spoken word artists, self-improvement and awareness, stories, words, autumn, wearing my lover's clothes, slow dancing, eating clean, the smell of campfire, the mesh of glam and trash (like poutine and champagne), mixed tapes and the mix-makers, and last but so so so not least, I love LOVE. I'm a Love-Bomber!
9. I'm working on learning how to stop living with anxiety, because I know that it is extremely contagious. And I don't want to infect the people I love with more anxiety. Instead, I want to heal myself and others with a calming stillness. Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness, it's about creating a clearing. It's about opening up an emotionally free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and question.
10. I'm feeling better.
Peace, Love & Owning It!!!
xoT.
